Monkey Business : New Shocking Revelation!

Jean Cocteau once reportedly said "Mirrors should reflect a little before throwing back images". Looking at the homogeneity with which global media - print, electronic, independent - represent any event today, thereby often masking the 'truth', Cocteau would have replaced 'mirrors' with 'media' had he been alive.

As every other report harps on the ban on Harbhajan Singh, none of them so far has tried to understand "why". Andrew Symonds, a guy who usually does not remember what time he returns home at night, noticed Harbhajan "hit Brett Lee on the backside", Symonds thought 'Hold on, that's not on' and "had a bit of a crack at Harbhajan, telling him exactly what I thought of his antics". Readers, for a moment think of this in a non-cricketing context. Who are the persons, if hit on the backside by strangers, would infuriate you so much? Usually, for a guy at least, it would happen if such things take place with his spouse / domestic partner. We have not forgotten how raged McGrath was as Sarwan just mentioned his wife in reply to a perfectly sportsmanlike (because it did, after all, came from an Aussie) banter from Glenn (so lovingly described by Pup here). Aussies are sensitive about such things. Come on, Brett is a handsome bloke and the operating word, from Symonds, was "crack"!

On further research it does look like Brett Lee and Andrew Symonds do share very deep bond that could not be allowed to strain by a pagan Sardar's assault at Lee's derriere. Gasbelly unravels the hitherto untold saga of yet another story of the beauty and the beast. Remember you heard it first at Gasbelly!

Our lad Andrew, originally, did chase white, blondes wearing variable length skirts -




His hatred for anything non-white manifests in his columns (that rival the genius of Sir Naipaul by using phrases like "fair dinkum"). In one, he writes - "Can you imagine Australia in its darkest days wanting to recruit a few West Indians". Last I checked, both Cricinfo and Wikipedia start Symonds' profile with "Andrew Symonds (born 9 June 1975, Birmingham, England)^[1] is an Australian cricketer of West Indian and English heritage."

























However, a very recent research -- I am NOT making this up -- proves that even male monkeys pay for sex with females. I am not insinuating anything, but another factoid is - Andrew Symonds did not really win a million-dollar IPL or ICL deal from India. And, the females with as much quality as above, are pretty darn expensive even by human standards. By deductive reasoning, thus Symonds had to look in a different pasture for a mate.

Thus began the warming up of a pair with subtle humor and cozy smalltalk in a relative calm of a dressing room as Punter went on to score tons after tons in the tests Harbhajan was not bowling at him. Each was warming up to the other.


Thus, a friend become a person close to 'heart'. Both were inseparable very soon.


They started understanding the others feelings and one now could even close another's sentence.

"Oh,my God. I am so, like, hot.."


As the time to take the relationship to the 'next level' arrived, they tried various positions - on and off- field. Sometimes, even Lee taking care of the Alpha Male from the back.

Sometimes Andrew helped Bret to bend and held him there for eternity.

In true love, they say, nothing is more satisfying than to reach out to your lover at both happiness and longing. It is indeed comforting to hug one's spouse after a hard day at work

The Simian-ds even sprayed all his vigor of youth on Lee .


The Brat, on the other hand, took care of the head of household's grooming. Anniversary gift was a hair cutting tool set, after all!



It was running all too well till a deviant Sardar heaved his bat and hit 'down under'. There was a dark cloud covering that 'crack' Simian-ds so coveted for. I do not blame him. Look at the happy couple. Revenge had to be exacted. No? On an entirely unrelated note, may be, monkeys do show quite a bit of jealousy when their mates are approached (video link).

As the saying goes- "If malice or envy were tangible and had a shape, it would be the shape of a boomerang". It is not racism, folks. It is plain envy and malice. Most of Indian cricketers are richer than Symonds. Plain and simple. Even Symonds probably knows which country boomerang came from!