Friday, November 9, 2007

Diwali Bumper Draw

I think Rohan Gavaskar, Abhishek Bachchan, Martin Luther King Jr II, Soha Ali Khan -- all had to endure it. No late cut from Gavaskar Jr could ever escape a comparison with his dad's. Abhishek's lack of dancing skills was always carefully analyzed with his dad's. Martin Luther King Jr II was surely asked whether he had a nice dream or nightmare the night before. Neighbors might even had watched Ishmael to see whether he, like his dad, would sacrifice his son too. A famous parent's offspring not only has to go through the comparison and the judgment, but also through expectations to emulate some of his / her parent's defining characteristics.

Thus, the first time I saw "Sawaariya" promo, the question I could not utter in front of a roomful viewers was not only whether Sonam Kapoor too is as hairy as her dad, but also - whether Ranbir Kapoor - just in case - has manboobs so big that there is no way he could zip of a leather jacket all the way up to his neck!

As I watched them in promo after promo, and in TV show after TV show, those two questions lingered in my mind like the thought of the great leftover food at your friend's place that you were offered to take home, but refused. Being brought up in a Bengali family that spends 13% of its lifetime in analyzing whether a newborn -- all crinkled, wrinkled - even on skull -- looks like his / her father or mother -- I also could not escape the thought that even if Neetu Kapoor had actually married Haji Mastan, Ranbir Kapoor could not have looked any different. He is a Neetu Singh that, against the wishes of the guy population this time, has exposed his derrière.

I will not watch Saawariya. I guess no one will. One last observation from having to watch so many promos - time has been really kind to Neetu Singh. In fact, what is going on with all the 70s actors? Jeetendra again started looking 37 years younger than he really is, Hema Malini has started corrupting dreams of an entirely different generation. Neetu Singh - let the comment be reserved for my close friends. Looks like 70s is suddenly back.

So OSO has a natural edge over the Kapoors.

Except, Shahrukh has started looking like Michael Jackson day by day. And that's so 80s. 80s with Robot Dance. 80s with wet Smita Patil, 80s with Bappida. I had a glimpse of what's been touted as a "six pack" at my local video store. To me that's a UNICEF or PETA looking poster. It looked like Madam Tussaud museum had a power breakdown on an unusually warm day in London, and its started affecting the statue.

Making a spoof is much more difficult than making a serious movie. Just like a circus clown has to do all the regular trapeze acts *and* make people laugh, a good spoof should do everything a good movie otherwise does, and yet make fun of everything it's doing. Tough. But I do know that Farah Khan did get some inputs from her brother.

On ending notes, no one has started judging Deepika Padukone. Badminton was a sport invented to help pregnant lady exercise - and as a vehicle of one of the most prominent songs filmed in history so lovingly described here. So not many know about Prakash, except the fact that he was almost as coveted as Imran Khan down south by the ladies.

My wife interrupted one of my most important meetings this week to let me know that Ranbir Kapoor apparently still gets a "pocket money" from his parents. My reaction to that was "Someone's luck is not changing. He has to continue to thrive on pocket money even after "Sawaariya"". Last month, she called in during my one-on-one with my director to pass on the critically important information that Farah Khan is pregnant with a triplet. I could not say it in front of my director, as he asked me "Is everything OK?" after I picked up the phone and did look surprised at this gem of info. But I did wish the triplets will be named Amar-Akbar-Anthony or Ganga-Jamuna-Saraswati as the case mandates.

Happy Diwali folks. Drink responsibly.