Dick in top Gere

I mostly like waking up after a good night's sleep. Subtle sunlight somehow creeps on to one corner of my bed despite the foam covered area between the air-conditioner and window seal. Die another day. Today is all there to live. I am no poet or composer, but I feel most of the great compositions are born in those precious moments after you wake up and before you realize you're getting late for something.

Some days, however, I wish I could just skip to the next. Day before yesterday was one such. There was this brutal, sad, angry, cold blooded murderer who killed a lot of smiling, happy students in Virginia tech on one sunny morning. I got the news as soon as I got up. That's a bad, bad start of a day. As I opened my laptop to see the messages, I got this one from a friend -

"Can you believe this? Twenty people died in Virginia Tech and the top news in Rediff is either on Abhi-Ash marriage or on Richard Gere kissing Shilpa Shetty!!!"

My friend was outraged. I was thankful though! Thankful that I could now salvage a part of my day that was going completely wrong so far.

• 32 bloody corpses on a college campus -- a reality that almost cripples.
• One BJP MP caught in flesh trading -- a big sigh inducing moment indicating nothing has changed or probably never will.
• A Hollywood hero - best known as his portrayal of a 'White Knight' who truly falls in love with a cheap Hollywood hooker - surprising a Bollywood second rung actress by suddenly kissing her in a public function and the usual protests by BJP type people in India -- PRICELESS!

Thankfully because Media does give importance to such things -- like news on the guy suing Liz Hurley because she did not follow "all" the Hindu rituals of marriage -- I still read my newspaper daily and yet do not have to see a shrink. The relative importance in our lives of the fact that Aishwarya is getting her Henna from a certain place in Rajastan can be debated with friends over beer without the sting and frustration of a similar discussion on "Gun Control". In my opinion, we should ignore the Cho Seung-Hui as the ugly zit near asshole and keep focussed on our celebrities, and nerds (particularly those in Infosys management!). The latter do irritate - at times - but, hey, they don't kill!

Anyways, about the kiss between Richard and Shilpa -- watch this video. And this one too. It surely was a surprise to Ms Shetty as evident from this expression as they were coming down the stage about 27 seconds after the kiss and the bow -

Now, that is a genuine "what the HELL was THAT!??!! You SCARED me!" expression. I know. I have watched at least 30 plus movies of Shilpa and in each of those her "surprise" expression was exactly same as her "my lover just died" expression which in turn was exactly same as her "I am a serious looking cop in tight pants" expression. If you watch the videos carefully you will see that Richard Gere had to apply a certain amount of force to bend down Shilpa before pecking her. She certainly was unaware of this. The most plausible explanation was Richard Gere was drunk and he had spent a bit too much austere time with His Excellency Dalai Lama off late. He badly needed a bit of action!

Or, worse, may be the urban legend about Dick is indeed true! He is just way too horny to not react within 2 yards of any female like Shilpa.

One suspicion remains though! What was this guy telling Shilpa before she started to talk and what was he whispering to Dick's ears as she was speaking to the microphone? The kiss followed immediately after that. In the video I think I even saw him gesticulating something to the cameraman as Shilpa started her 'speech'. Was it doctored? Is Gere plotting a Bollywood entry? Or Shilpa a Hollywood one? Or the guy just said something like "Beware! Parmeswar Godrej is waiting for you after the show"? Scary enough thought for me to lose my sanity temporarily!

Watch for yourself -






Please keep the kiss controversies coming. These are "awww! so cute" moments in the newsreel. In India, we have our usual quota of at least THREE kissing controversies a given year. If I get two, I feel deprived. Historically, controversies involved Padmini Kolhapure-Prince Charles; Shabana Azmi-Nandita Das; Shabana Azmi-Nelson Mandela; Rakhee Sawant - Mika; Rakhee Sawant - another starlet; Vasundhara Raje Schindia - Kiran Shaw; Mallika Sherawaat - Mallika Sherawaat etc.

Time came out with a lame article on the recent controversy. It - like so many other foreign media articles - almost admonishes India to turn into this middle-aged uncle from a super cool dude who churned out "Kama Sutra" in past. Please!!! Give me a break. Next thing they will bring up is Ajanta-Ellora. And then talk about how stupid our movies are without kissing etc etc. Every time we do something funny about Sex, or kissing in this instance, we are shown "Kama Sutra", and then the bad X-ray plate of the present health! This is just not right. It's like how my mother still talks about the night in the movie where the only point I stopped crying was when a completely wet (and then a couple of months' pregnant) Hema Malini danced on the deck of a ship to save her lover from a bunch of ugly villains. I was two then! Things change with time.

So, please stop bringing "Kama Sutra" to every such topic. The relatively unknown fact that it was written by an avowed bachelor hurts even more. Though, in hindsight, creating such 'work' needs a lot of experimentation and Abhishek Bachchan, say, probably would not be getting much of it from tomorrow!