The Parent Trap

Behold. I now know why India is not a proportionate sporting nation. It is not lack of infrastructure, it is not over-abundance of Cricket, neither it is our very average physical traits. The reason we suck - sports for us is a warm-fuzzy-cuddly-forcefully emotive thing like a Sukhen Das movie. Sports for us is not a cold Gladiator fighting for his life in Arena. Sports for us is all about our parents - players', spectators' and even commentators'. And then, if lucky, the obligatory congratulatory call from usually ailing President of India.

As much truly delighted as I am after Abhinav Bindra's success, it was genuinely funny to see NDTV qoute his parents - within half-an-hour of him winning - "it was not easy at all". Anandabazar Patrika had a quarter-page article titled "Maa Perechi" (Mom, I did it). Apparently, Bindra called from Beijing and uttered just those two words or five, depending on whether he was speaking Bengali or Jaath dialect. Just that, and not complaining or being asked about the heat, humidity, food issues or even a request to buy some quality China-made umbrellas for home. According to Sapan Sarkar, who apparently reported this from Chandigarh, the Bindras are throwing such a great party that "nimeshe uDe jachhe kg kg laddu-r baxo". That is one thing, I hope, Jr Bindra is not allowed to have. Magically enough, Anandabazar not only knew details of last three phone calls between Bindra and his folks, it somehow published the content in a unique Bong-Hindi transcript.

I do not know who to trust. According to rediff, a tearful Babli Bindra had actually sent a SMS to her son.

Newschannels were too busy to offer a slot to interview of the obligatory "childhood coach". I remembered Deshpran Azad and hoped I would not have to listen to another pathetic story about Bindra's tremendous lactose tolerance level. Even Bindra's sister, last I checked, was too busy teaching everyone the difference between "trap" and "10m air rifle".

Dhoni's brother-in-law, Goni's (step?) mom, Sourav's wife (wifely hinted how Dada could still accept captaincy, only selectors ignored it) - we have managed to make serious sports an evening episode of "Humlog". As I was reading, also in Anandabazar, how Milkha Singh thinks Bindra "merely picked up the Gold that had fallen from his hand" - I was reminded of avuncular Dadamoni coming after the episode and making sure we are fine. Except, Milkha's was more like Johny Lever mimicking Dadamoni from behind a cardboard cut TV shaped box in Jalwa.

To do an objective comparison, I did some research on how Michael Phelps' parents would be feeling. I found the two divorced in 1994, perhaps saving at least one of them cost of "kgs and kgs of Laddu".

Some other tertiary observations -

(1) I genuinely like Abhinav Bindra. The fact that he did not cry. The fact that he very calmly explained how a combination of many momentary factors could swing one's rank from 1 to 20 in a fraction of second in 10-m air rifle. Make no mistake, he is my hero.

(2) Big B, Amir already "hailed" Bindra's feat. Who will Shahrukh choose? Rathore already crashed out of the competition.

(3) Even though I am a huge fan of tabloid journalism, I was not highly amused at the following suggestive photo followed by an equally suggestive Anandabazar title. "Map paalte dichhe Abhinabo Khela". That bong phrase loosely translates to "International Khiladi No 1". She is his coach for God's sake!

I was smirking. Indian media is one sensationalizer.

But then I checked out CNN.

"Bush hugs bikini-clad US Olympians"